I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
