Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
