yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize