Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
