Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize