hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
