Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
