I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize