I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
