im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
