You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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