I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
