I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
