who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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