it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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