when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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