Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
