we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize