i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
