My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
