i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize