woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
