I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
there is glitter all over my balls
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
