he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
