I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
