Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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