I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
