got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
