i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
