You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
