wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
