Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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