the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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