I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize