her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
