I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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