Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
