oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
