She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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