Fine. I'll sleep in my office
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize