I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Randomize
