I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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