The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
