ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
wakey wakey hands off snakey
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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