Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
