Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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