Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
