you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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