I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
