I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
