How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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