if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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