i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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