she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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