He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
