You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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