Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
