Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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