There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
