i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
