Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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