Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
