I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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