bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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