Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
