He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
