I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
is wine microwaveable?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
