Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
