She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
